infidelities of husbands and wives create endless doubts, rationalizations, guilt feelings and conflicts. These feelings recur now and then. They lead to despair. They allow no peace of mind. they are painful to bear, especially if the aggrieved spouse is very loving and faithful, a quality which husbands and wives expect from each other.
every infidelity has its corresponding ecstacy and agony. And all parties involved in it - the husband, the girlfriend, and wife - get their respective share of the agony which usually outweighs the ecstacy. now let us look at the agony each one has to contend with.
HUSBAND - for a husband, does he have enough resources to carry on the affair? if he has, would these resources net get depleted? for how long? on the other hand, if the husband does not have enough means, would the expenses he may incur in the affair not deprive his wife and children of the financial support they need?
how about his health? affairs require a great deal of time and effort. after work, the married man has to run to his girlfriend's place and from there, he has to go home late. this is tiresome and tedious. would this not erode his health? how about the barrage of conflicts that go with it?
if the husband is with the family, he worries about his girlfriend. "Where is she right now? Where did she go and with whom? at this point, he feels uneasy and jealous. and what a false feeling to be lying down in bed with his wife pretending to be enjoying her company when in reality he is thinking of his girlfriend.
on the other hand, if he is with his girlfriend he thinks of his wife and children. "what are they doing right now? Are they in good health? are the children in school? and how do they feel without their father?" With all these problems, how could a husband have a peace of mind?
Guilt is one big problem that a husband has to suffer. the thought of having neglected an innocent wife and the children who need his care and attention mist is painful. He is completely unfair.
on the other hand, wha about his promise to his girlfriend? his lying to her that he had been exerting effort to get a legal separation from his wife when in reality he has never brought up the subject to her. A total deceit.
GIRLFRIEND - jealousy is a negative thought. it is ba for one's health. for a girlfriend, could she withstand the pressure of jealousy? it is a tough and horrible conflict. it could drive a girlfriend to suicide and a husband to kill.
take the case of a loving and faithful wife married to her husband for the past twenty years. both were living happily together until one day, the wife found out that her husband had anothe woman in his life. because of this, she was hysterical. some women could take a situation like this. others could not. still others could be driven to commit suicide because of jealousy.
on the other hand, a husband may leave his innocent wife and children for another woman. one husband provided his woman with an apartment and financial support. in coming to her apartment one day, he unexpectedly found this new woman with another man in bed. in a fit of jealousy and anger, he shot both of them.
Memories if the lovely past can also be painful. when a girlfriend and her married man are together. when a girlfriend and her married man are together, theirs a paradise. though a short-lived forever. everything is at its best. So superb. however, when parting time comes, the sadness of the last goodbye lingers longer than the beautiful moments. the tortures, longing and miseries are there to stay with her. memories of the beautiful moments are there, too. but her married man, the very person she loves, is not there.
still painful to think about is when a married man leaves for home. While the girlfriend sleeps alone in her faithful bed, her married man sleeps with his wife in their bed. worse is the thought what while she is devoting her time to her married man, her married man is devoting his time to the care of his wife and children. it is totally unfair!
of course, it is very comforting for a girlfriend to hear from her married man that sex with her is enjoyable beyond compare. that sex at home is no longer exciting and thrilling as it used to be. all these could lead to rationalizations, doubts, and conflicts ."what about sex with his wife? how often? do they also orgasm? " AT this point, she becomes sexually jealous.
Relationship between a married man and his girlfriend has to be secret. This puts the girlfriend in a very difficult situation, expecially when she loves her married man and is very proud of him. she wants to introduce him to her family, relatives and friends but the she cannot. for boths sake, she has to restrain herself in telling anyone.
celebrations of birthdays, christmas, new year and valentines are also depressing and painful. The girlfriend has to attend these occasions all by herself without the person she loves. and while others are enjoying, the girlfriend cannot. and if ever she has to spend any of these occasions with her married man, it has to arranged a day or two earlier or afeter.
still another problem that a girlfriend has to contend with is fear of being found out by her parents, relatives and friends that she is only a mistress and not the legal wife. and that their relationship is illegitimate. it lowers her value and self-esteems before her peers. it makes her feel bad about herself. a feeling of degradation.
WIFE - in the case of the wife, the infidelity of her husband creates in her endless doubts, rationalizations, conflicts and despair. also guilt feelings that she has failed in her relationship with her husband. and if ever she did, in what areas of their relationship? in companionship, in sex, or in outlook in life?
these doubts and conflicts recur now and then, they allow no peace of mind. they are painful to bear, especially if the wife is very loving and faithful. A quality which most husbands expect.
all these rationalizations, coupled with jealousy and fear of eventual abondonment, are indeed horrible. everytime a husband leaves home, the wife would always suspect that he is going to see his girlfriend although he is not. and if a husband would tell his wife that he no longer loves his girlfriend, the question is - "What of the past and of the beginning? how untrue that love is out of the question?" The fact remains that he had loved her before. this thought gives the wife a feeling of emotional insecurity. so terrifying and devastating. and because of this, many of them learned to take sleeping pills just to avoid sleepless nights of doubting and rationalizing.